It’s been a long time since I wrote on my blog. There is so much going on in my life, much is too personal to share on a blog. I will share how I am feeling though, in regards to what is happening.
Today at the gym I had a good analogy of how I was feeling. I was on the elliptical and was looking out into the swimming pool area and watching the life guards walking around the pool. There were a couple of people in the pool and one lady in particular caught my eye. She had her hands up and was treading water. I thought to myself "that’s how I feel right now! I am treading water" I also thought that I am in this body of water and could picture the people in my life in this pool with me. Some of the people in my life were needing help swimming and I helped them get life jackets on and helped them keep afloat. Some of the people are strong swimmers and are in the pool swimming and helping and participating. And then there are some people who have a death grip on me and I feel like they are dragging me under. I know they are drowning and I want to help them but I also know that I am getting tired of treading water here and am going under with them. Do I let them go and they might float away, or drown or hope that they might make it on their own? Or that someone else will help them out? I have watched others recently in my life who I felt I helped. I put that life jacket on them I helped keep them afloat and helped them learn to swim and they just swam away leaving me bewildered and hurt. I was hoping that they would become one of the strong swimmers and help out, but they moved on.
I am getting weary. I feel like I can continue treading but I can’t continue to help those who are struggling to float. They have the death grip on me. I don’t’ want to lose them but don’t’ want to drown either.
Feels a little overwhelming!
This week has been a roller coaster week. I have had some people chose to walk out of my life! I am hurt and struggling.
I look to God as my LIFE GUARD! HE knows I am getting tired, He is watching me and will save me and direct me and I have to TRUST HIM!
I hate to let go of those who I perceive are drowning but will trust that GOD is watching them as well and it’s not my job to save them. It is HIS!