Thursday, September 29, 2011


I am constantly beating myself up for my parenting skills. Wishing I could be a parent like so and so. I remember praying one day about this and wrote in my journal that I am sure that “ Carli” never yells at her kids like I do. And that very same day “Carli” was at my home and was talking about how she yelled at her child. It made me feel a bit better knowing I am not the only one.
I make HUGE mistakes with my kids. My biggest mistakes were made on Christine and Ryan. Not to use this as an excuse but I was YOUNG and I was parenting  from my own hurt and issues.
Maya Angelou says . “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
After parenting for 32 years I have learned a few things but still make more mistakes than I would like or care to admit to.
I also know that OLD patterns die hard. It’s like an addict who quits using. When things are going well it is easier to stay off your addiction,  but add some stress and you fall right back into old patterns and habits.
That’s what I find with my parenting. I can implement all the 1-2-3 Magic rules and other Tools I have used but put me in a situation where I am overwhelmed and stressed and I become the person I don’t like.

I also know there are NO perfect parents because there are no perfect people!

That’s part of my issue is I expect for my kids to be perfect, my house to be perfect and my life to be perfect. These expectations on me cause  huge stress for myself  and for my family.

These are things I am working on. Last year I was going to counselling to help me with some of these issues. I also implemented things into my life to help alleviate some of the stress . I know I can’t do it all. I need help. I am not super woman and never will be.

Another quote for Maya Angleou

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Maya Angelou

Something else I am learning is that your kids don’t forget things. Mine like to remind me often of my mistakes.
There are some things that I did and said with Christine and Ryan that I do not even remember. Some were not “bad” things. But things that made them feel bad. It wasn’t intentional either. But it hurt feelings or caused a sense of failure or insecurity
Even though my kids may not remember all the bad things I said word for word. They  remember how I made them feel.
I am still working on this. It is hard for me not to just say what’s in my head. Especially when I am tired and stressed.  Our words are so important. They can say so much. They can bring love or hate. Hurt or healing. Such POWER!
I went and saw the movie “the help”  last week and there is a part where the maid/Nanny  realizes that she can make a positive impact on this child’s life and makes a point to tell her everyday
At the end of the movie as the maid is leaving this little girl tenderly touches the maids check and says the words back to her.
I want to be that kind of parent. I want my legacy to be that my children know that I love them, that I believe in them and that I am proud of them.
I wish it was easier and that I was not struggling so much with it.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

TBH inspired by my friend Sharla K

one of my friends has started posting a blog on Tuesdays called "truthful tuesdays". I really appreciate reading it because I love her honesty and openess. She allows herself to be vulnerable and in our Society, vulnerablilty is  considered a weakness. I, however consider it a strength.
In the past few years my favourite soap box chant is be honest and share with each other. I believe that in the bible when it says confess your sins to one another it wasn't for us to go into a dark cubicle in the back of the church and whisper our darkest secrets to a designated person.

I believe that we are to confess our sins to one another for several reasons.
 for accountbility.
  for support.
 so we can pray for each other
 so others can see that we struggle too, that they are NOT alone. THERE IS NOT ONE PERSON who doesn't struggle with issues. We can share and say I have been there and here is what I have done or hey I am there now and lets support each other in this.

Romans 7:15 says

I don't understand what I am doing. For I don't practice what I want to do, but instead do what I hate.

 So even Paul one of the apostles of CHRIST struggled. Man if he struggled and he was walking with JESUS , then why shouldn't we or why wouldn't we struggle?

I love knowing that I am not the only one who struggles with my spiritual walk, my parenting, my marriage, my weight, gossip and MANY other things. I know you are all shocked that i struggle with these things . You are sitting there with open jaw saying SHE HAS A WEIGHT ISSUE? And once you are over your shock you might go out and gossip about just kidding, but once you are over the shock that I do indeed struggle, you will also be glad to know that I do.

Many people look into our home and think as a pastors family we have it all together. As a pastors wife I pray daily and read my bible and never swear or do anything I shouldn't. 
They think because we are foster parents that we are perfect,  patient, parents. but let me tell you this, Having that  many kids tends to test my patience .
People also think as a pastors family my children are perfect or should be perfect. I TEND to think my children should be PERFECT! (Hence the problem I have as a parent . See Above)

So every Thursday I am going to write a blog to dispell these MYTHS. I want to open the door into my home, that way you don't have to strain to peek into my windows . LOL I want to be honest and vulnerable with you. That being said there are some things because of our "Position" I can't tell you. BUT I will try to be as honest in the most healthy and respectful way I can.

My hope is that this blog will help us all to realize that we need each other. That we don't have to be perfect, that we are all striving to be the best  we can be. That there is a GOD who loves us just as we are and He is there for us as we grow .
As for the name TBH it is texting lingo meaning TO BE HONEST.  sometimes we dont'understand these abbreviations. See below for great illustration of this.