I am constantly beating myself up for my parenting skills. Wishing I could be a parent like so and so. I remember praying one day about this and wrote in my journal that I am sure that “ Carli” never yells at her kids like I do. And that very same day “Carli” was at my home and was talking about how she yelled at her child. It made me feel a bit better knowing I am not the only one.
I make HUGE mistakes with my kids. My biggest mistakes were made on Christine and Ryan. Not to use this as an excuse but I was YOUNG and I was parenting from my own hurt and issues.
Maya Angelou says . “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
After parenting for 32 years I have learned a few things but still make more mistakes than I would like or care to admit to.
I also know that OLD patterns die hard. It’s like an addict who quits using. When things are going well it is easier to stay off your addiction, but add some stress and you fall right back into old patterns and habits.
That’s what I find with my parenting. I can implement all the 1-2-3 Magic rules and other Tools I have used but put me in a situation where I am overwhelmed and stressed and I become the person I don’t like.
I also know there are NO perfect parents because there are no perfect people!
That’s part of my issue is I expect for my kids to be perfect, my house to be perfect and my life to be perfect. These expectations on me cause huge stress for myself and for my family.
These are things I am working on. Last year I was going to counselling to help me with some of these issues. I also implemented things into my life to help alleviate some of the stress . I know I can’t do it all. I need help. I am not super woman and never will be.
Another quote for Maya Angleou
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
― Maya Angelou
Something else I am learning is that your kids don’t forget things. Mine like to remind me often of my mistakes.
There are some things that I did and said with Christine and Ryan that I do not even remember. Some were not “bad” things. But things that made them feel bad. It wasn’t intentional either. But it hurt feelings or caused a sense of failure or insecurity
Even though my kids may not remember all the bad things I said word for word. They remember how I made them feel.
I am still working on this. It is hard for me not to just say what’s in my head. Especially when I am tired and stressed. Our words are so important. They can say so much. They can bring love or hate. Hurt or healing. Such POWER!
I went and saw the movie “the help” last week and there is a part where the maid/Nanny realizes that she can make a positive impact on this child’s life and makes a point to tell her everyday
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART and YOU IS IMPORTANT!
At the end of the movie as the maid is leaving this little girl tenderly touches the maids check and says the words back to her.
I want to be that kind of parent. I want my legacy to be that my children know that I love them, that I believe in them and that I am proud of them.
I wish it was easier and that I was not struggling so much with it.
Your not alone. Right now I'm having problems with Katie and it has left me feeling like I have done a crappy job as a mother. She is doing thing at shock me and has left me feeling like if I had done a better job instilling our family's morals and beliefs this wouldn't be happening. i feel like a failure. I feel like I have failed at the one thing I have tried so hard to do right and it hurts.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this so much. Especially when you said that when things are stressful, it's harder not to revert back to default mode in your parenting. I can talk the talk and know the "tools", but on the hard days...the PMS days, the days where other stresses are present, the days when the kids are all crazy-making, those kind of days...it's hard to use the "tools".
ReplyDeleteI loved that part of The Help too. It was a good reminder for me. Actually, I should make a sticky note of those words and put them up in the kitchen to say to the kids every day. I'm going to go do that now.