Friday, March 22, 2013

a place where I never thought I would be

The last few times I blogged I shared how my husband was going through burnout and was on stress leave. How he quit his job in December and how I was in a situation trying to figure out where my husband went and who was this stranger that was living with me. .Its the weirdest thing to be experiencing. Its like a bad episode of the twilight zone or the body snatchers. The body snatchers was a show where aliens duplicated an identical person but the replica was devoid of any emotions. That's what this is like.
The man left here is a shell of the man I married. I married a man of integrity. My best friend, my confidante. The person who I could share anything with, who I could laugh with and work with. A man with an amazing sense of humor  A man of talent and intelligence a man with a gentle heart but also was strong and stood up for his beliefs and his family. A man who followed God and loved HIM with a passion. Who loved his family and was romantic and sweet. Who would do anything for anyone no matter what the cost. A man who thought of others first. An amazing man who I LOVED so deeply, who I admired , respected and put up on a pedestal .

 Sadly that Man  is GONE!  he left spiritually and emotionally in 2012. and in February of 2013 he physically moved out.
So here I am after almost 35 years of marriage, wondering what happened. I have no answers. He has no answers for me. I guess I can't expect him to answer because how would he know, its not my husband. Its some alien who has invaded his body. He is a stranger looking out into a world that is foreign to him.  looking at people he doesn't recognize anymore.

When I married I believed it was for life. I had no doubt that we would be together forever! and now??? I don't know whats next! Do I have hope?I have hope in an everlasting God , who is FAITHFUL  I trust in HIM! I trust that I will be ok no matter what happens.
I am so blessed to have the Friends and the family I have. People who support me and pray for me. People who won't judge me or our situation.

I am scared of the truth coming out, because I know some people will judge and not understand. Some will take this and run with it and gossip. Some might even question our faith.

The reason I am telling it is so that you will know the truth and it won't be just rumors and hear say. And as far as our faith, my faith in my GOD has grown even stronger. His love for me is poured out each and every day in so many ways.

This should not lessen the messages my husband shared because his messages never were that he was perfect but was always based on the word of the LORD. Which is the truth!

This is a place I never thought I would be, but  I have learned so much. I know how much I can love! i know how much I can hurt! I know how strong I am ! I know how weak I am! I know how much I can do! I know how to ask for help! I know how to trust in God . I know how much I am loved by my family and friends. I know how much I am loved by my heavenly Father.
This wasn't Gods plan, or my plan, but God knew it would happen and he knows what the end result will be.
To quote one of my favorite songs I know not all HIS plans, but I know I'm in His hands.

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

And for me God said it I believe it and that settles it for me







10 comments:

  1. Only hugs and prayers for you my friend. God will sustain you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was just trying to sleep before work and woke up just to email you and saw your post. We are so sorry to hear that. I commend your strength and honesty. Your faith is truely an encouragement at this difficult time. We will be praying for your hope and future and please know you are so deepled loved. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sorry It's penny harder, I have no idea why my profile is worried womb? I must have commented on another blog waaaay back when I had my first and was worried?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm sorry to hear of this Karen. Life is uncertain for sure.

    I can only say that I trust your faith, your many good friends and your family will help you to get through to whatever's on the other side of all this. Also, from what I know and see.... that your heart is full of so much love and that you give so much of it to others, that it will all come back to you, amplified many times over.

    I also hope your hubby will find his way.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I could barely read the words do to the tears in my eyes. words of comfort seem empty. I just want you to know I hurt for you and morn your loss and if I could Id climb up in your tree and just sit their with you, holding no answers, just compassion and love. Try to take care of yourself and know i'll be praying for strength and comfort for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  6. cheryl (Lundy) stuartMarch 27, 2013 at 11:21 PM

    Karen...you shared words that could easily be mine...although mine has not gone tothe final steps that yours have...so say I understand is an understatement. I admire your bravery and resilience and know that you will continue to be the strong, supportive mom you have always been.....hugs

    Cheryl (Lundy) Stuart

    ReplyDelete
  7. Life can be uncertain, agreed! Just...keep...swimming!! (this is one of my favourite quotes and something to live by) I support you and your family with prayers and love. Lorraine B

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Karen, for sharing this with me and for the chat we had on the phone. Sandy and I are grieving as we hear this news. Thanks for your faith in Christ which is steadfast even though you are hurting. We will pray for God's love, grace, comfort, wisdom and clarity for you and your family.

      Delete